1. He pushes for quick involvement. He comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this before by anyone." You get pressured for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. There is jealousy. Your partner is excessively possessive, calls constantly, or visits unexpectedly.
3. He is controlling. He interrogates you intensely about who you talked to and where you were;
checks mileage on the car; keeps all the money or asks for receipts; insists you ask for permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. He has very unrealistic expectations. He expects you to be the perfect person and meet their every need.
5. There is isolation. He tries to cut you off from family and friends; deprives you of a phone or car, or tries to prevent you from holding a job.
6. He blames others for his own mistakes. The boss, family, you - it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.
7. He makes everyone else responsible for their feelings. The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of "I'm angry." "I wouldn't get so pissed off if you wouldn't...
8. There is hypersensitivity. He Is easily insulted and will often rant and rave about injustices that are just part of life.
9. He is cruel to animals and children. He kills or punishes animals brutally. He also may expect children to do things beyond their ability, or tease them until they cry.
10. His "playful" use of force during sex. He enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will; he says they find the idea of molest exciting. Intimidates, manipulates, or forces you to engage in unwanted sex acts.
11. There is verbal abuse. He constantly criticizes you or says cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. He will use vulnerable points about your past/life against you.
12. There are rigid gender roles. He Expects you to serve, obey, and remain at home.
13. He has sudden mood swings. He switches from loving to angry in a matter of minutes.
14. He has a past of battering. He admits to hitting women in the past, but states that they or the situation brought it on.
15. There are threats of violence. He makes statements such as, "I'll break your neck," but then dismisses it with "I really didn't mean it."
By no means is this an all-inclusive list. If you are already in an abusive relationship, get help immediately! Sadly, statistics shows that it takes about five to seven acts of violence before a woman leaves her abuser. If you aren't married, why not plan not to enter into an abusive relationship in the first place.
Feel free to add to this list and share your thoughts.
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